Ohhh, I'm tired. But I feel like talking to someone (or something), and my family is busy and my fish is pretty unresponsive to my stories. A lot has happened since I last wrote... I have decided that I am joining the Air Force when I enter med school. It will make my financial situation throughout school a lot easier, and it will provide tremendous job security when I finish my residency. It has some cons though, including possible deployments and relocations for 4 years after my residency. But after talking with many people in the program, they have all said that as long as I am a hard worker (which I know I am), it will bring tremendous benefits to me. While this is all well and good, I didn't make the final decision until I took the backseat for a minute and listened to God's calling. Sure the money and jobs will be good, but what ultimately pressed me to do this was God's voice telling me that I am needed in the military. He wants to use my gifts there (wherever "there" may be), and I plan to do it to the best of my ability. Although Michael is completely supportive of my decision, I unfortunately cannot say the same for my parents. They still need convincing. But I will try everything in my power to get them on board; I want them to talk to my recruiter and come visit a base with me. Hopefully they will see that working on the base will not be that different from working in the civilian world. And that when I'm in a hospital, I feel at home. I don't care where that hospital is; hell, it could be in the middle of the Sahara desert, but as long as I can practice what I love then I don't care! So really, military or not, I will still get to practice somewhere in the world... but the difference is that the AF offers me really great benefits and support systems. Honestly, I can't wait to get started.
I got a new fish last week :) His name is Mr. Spock, just because he's really really awesome. He's one of those beta fishes with the shredded fins, and he's part red and part blue. He was really sheepish when I first put him in his tank, but now he isn't afraid of me. He gets really excited when I grab the bottle of food! He has his own personality; it's amazing how all of God's creatures, even the ones with a brain the size of a pinhead, are unique. I think the inner nurturer in me is coming out... I love taking care of my fish, and for some strange reason I really want to grow and prune a bonsai tree. It may sound really weird, but I just think it will be really relaxing. Hopefully one of these days I will be too busy taking care of my patients and my own kids to have to resort to taking care of a plant to fulfill my nurturing nature. Hopefully.

It's been a while since I've written, but I realized that, because I now live at home, I have no way to effectively release my joys and frustrations. While at school I talk to my roommates and friends, and they are always very open to what I have to say. While I am always open with my parents and tell them about everything, sometimes they can seem a little critical of my choices. But my blog isn't going to be that way :) Since I last wrote, Michael and I have really grown as a couple and matured so much. I thought I was done maturing, but my relationship with him has definitely proven me wrong. He treats me so well, and God could not have blessed me with a better man to be such a huge part of my life. I have never had so much fun with anybody, and it doesn't ever matter what we are doing... sometimes we just sit on the couch, yet I am never bored. I am so glad he moved to Fort Worth so during the school year it isn't quite as difficult to spend time together as it used to be. He is the first thing I think about in the mornings, and the last thing I think about at night before I go to sleep.
I have also started applications for med school... and I have never been more frustrated in my life. I have spent countless hours and hundreds of dollars just to APPLY to these schools... and I am not even guaranteed a spot. But this process, as inefficient and ridiculous as it is, has really shown me that medicine is my true calling. I don't have that much money, yet I am willing to spend it on something that I might not reap the benefits of. I started spending some time up at Primary Care Clinic, and my love for patients has only increased. My Spanish, while greatly improved, sometimes doesn't cut it and I can get frustrated... but I love taking it slow and figuring out what they are telling me. There is a great sense of satisfaction walking out of a room and the patient says "muchas gracias por tu ayuda, senorita." I have also started volunteering at Real Choices pregnancy center, which offers free pregnancy tests and information about options for mothers facing crisis pregnancies. While I will start as a receptionist, eventually I will become a counselor and counsel young women facing potential pregnancy. I cannot wait to get in there and see how God can use me in this ministry.
Man, I love summer... I have done nothing but volunteer, watch Law and Order, and hang out with my family and Michael. But with all this spare time sometimes I forget about God... I have soooo much extra time, yet my quiet times are as short as they are during finals week. What's wrong with that picture? This is something I am trying to solve through my own actions... through the way I live my life. Through my attitude at the clinic, through the telephone at the pregnancy center, and through my relationship with Michael. Everything I do needs to glorify the Lord, and I ask that everyone who reads this (even though it may be no one...) would pray for me, that I will only improve in my efforts. Goodnight, and God bless!

Wow, I just want to start off by saying that today was BEAUTIFUL! The sun was shining, there was just a slight but wonderful breeze, and I could finally wear a tanktop again! Days like this definitely make up for gloomy days that we too often see. The flowers are in full bloom on campus, and as I was driving home from work, I noticed that the grass along the river is finally starting to turn green :) Spring is so wonderful, for so many reasons! 1) it means we are finally ending winter and summer is on the way! 2) everything is exceptionally beautiful, and 3) Easter happens in spring, which is a great segue into what God has shown me today.
This week, HIS is in the middle of "Daffodil Week," which is our big philanthropy this semester. Yesterday, we got to bless others by eating Mexican food at Red Cactus, and a portion of the proceeds went to cancer research. Today at meeting, we received daffodils that we bought for each other a couple weeks ago, and those proceeds also go to cancer research... and tomorrow is Menchie's day! Yay frozen yogurt for a good cause! So, this is a week of giving in HIS so that we can help people that we know are suffering. But a lot of times, we forget how important it is to help others... none of us does it enough! I do community service to put it on my resume and fulfill my two required philanthropy hours each semester. It's really sad. I know better than that, but I keep convincing myself that I am too busy for extra community service. You know what's funny about that sentence? There were 3 references to ME. My little, Victoria, spoke at meeting tonight about bearing each other's burdens. Paul commands us as Christians to bear each others burdens... and I am failing to do that by not doing community service. But community service alone does not fulfill the role of "bearer of burdens." Any little thing to help someone out, to help them get through their day, can help lighten their load. I frequently get beautiful little messages from Bry that just say "I hope you have a good day!" or "Good luck on your test!". I normally just smile and think how sweet she is, but now I know that she was doing her job as a Christian by making my life a little bit easier by encouraging me. And Michael.... he is the BEST at encouragement! When I have too much homework to do and I say that I'm too busy to hang out, he still comes over and just sits next to me... just to be there. The things he says to me just constantly remind me that he is there not only as my boyfriend, but as a brother in Christ. Another important point that Victoria made is that, in order to begin carrying someone else's burdens, you also need to open yourself up and let others carry YOUR burdens. What's kind of funny is that she looked straight at me when she said it. She knows me too well. I only ask for help if I have tried everything I could try and exhausted all my resources. Even when I am broke, I do not ask my parents for money. When I need a day off from work to just have some alone time, I do not ask my boss for it. I have so many burdens, but this world has led us to believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness and failure. But it's not! It is a way of saying, "I need you to help me right now, and as a sister in Christ, I will help you when you need it."
So why should we carry each others burdens? In thinking about the wonderful weather and how Easter is coming up.... I thought, Jesus carried ALL of our burdens and sins on his shoulders. I could do ALL the community service in the world, and it won't even compare to the burden that Christ carried for me. How awesome is that? Therefore, we need to carry others' burdens not to look good on a resume or just to fulfill philanthropy requirements, but to make it a part of our lives in our futile attempts to imitate Christ. Wow, isn't God awesome?
That's it for today... it's time to wrap up the night. Goodnight all... and for future reference, if you have some burdens that you need someone to bear, just let me know :)

Wow, so it's been a while... my life has been crazy the past couple weeks! Lots of things, ranging in scope from dreadful to amazing, have happened since my last post. I've taken a lot of midterms and quizzes (I have a midterm tomorrow... about which I am clearly not concerned), and I have been preparing for my trip to Costa Rica!!! I leave Friday morning, and I cannot wait!
Aside from everything, I have learned a lot of important lessons in the past few weeks... what's new? Since I have really begun to focus my life on bringing glory and honor to God, I have learned sooo much! I just don't know how I made it through school my first 2 1/2 years of college... praying every morning gets me through the day, and realizing that God has a plan for me makes everything I do just a little bit easier, so it doesn't get overwhelming. I am currently busier than I have ever been, and when I wake up every morning the FIRST thought in my head is always: "How many hours til my next bedtime??".... yet somehow God always seems to grab my hand and lead me to the coffee pot to begin my day.
God has also shown me recently how important character is... if you open your heart to Him, he will show you others' character. I know this now after making the mistake of thinking I knew somebody... and allowing myself to get hurt. It was entirely my fault that I didn't listen to God, who had been telling me all along that this person was not the best influence in my life. God opened my eyes WIDELY today to reality, and we'll just say, his message felt like a slap in the face. While it felt entirely degrading, I know that's what it took for God to tell me to not have this person in my life anymore. He knows best, and I constantly need to be reminded of that.
Luckily during the mess that was February, I met someone really special :) He has a heart for the Lord, and it shows through in all of his actions. I am really looking forward to getting to know him better! He has the most patience of anyone I have ever met... Even though he didn't know me well, he stayed beside me as I dealt with school, relationships, and family issues. I told you February was a mess. He is respectful, genuine, and has every quality I look for in a man.... people might be going "yeah right... they just met... it will die down" Buuut, we'll just say it looks good for now :) You know that feeling you get when you're so sure that God has had a hand in something? Yeah... :)
I have also been following the book of James to keep up with our study of authentic Christianity at Southcliff, and I have also been following Philippians to keep up with HIS Faith Circle... but beginning tomorrow I am going to also work on Esther. While in my futile attempt to become a true woman of God, it just never occurred to me to look directly in the Bible for direction. I look to my Mom a lot for inspiration, because she is one of the godliest women I am privileged to know. I look at my wonderful roommates and friends, and have learned a lot of great things from these great women. But I still struggle in my trek to become a true woman of God, and I think beginning the book of Esther and really diving into it will help me in my attempts. I know I will never be perfect, nobody is... but all God wants me to do is wholeheartedly try to be in His son's image.
While this isn't the most eloquent post (words are not coming to me easily today...), I said what I wanted to say. May God's blessings be with you, and Goodnight :)

Wow, yesterday and today are definitely ranked numbers 1 and 2 on my "best days of college" list. After waking up at 6 am to a TCU Alert informing me that school was canceled for the day, I sprang up and looked out the window to see what the deal was. It was snowing!! In February!! In TEXAS!! We rarely see big, beautiful snowflakes like these. After going back to bed and sleeping through what should have been a Virology test (which I was in NO way ready for), I woke up, had a lovely cup of coffee, and just sat. As the snow started to collect on the ground, I realized that this situation was a blessing. I wasn't ready for that test, and I think He knew that.
So, the roomies and I took advantage of the beautiful day and ventured outside to just be kids! We took jumping pictures off of Frog Fountain, posed as models around campus, and built a TCU-themed snowman! The snowflakes were beautiful... as they landed on me I could see each individual crystal that comprised them. It just reminded me of all the little details that God has put together to make our world what it is. Catching snowflakes on my tongue is just as fun as it used to be... Oh the simple things in life...
And now here I sit. The next morning. The snow has stopped, but the weight of the ice on the branches is breaking some of them off. But I know that some branches will survive... and strangely enough, this reminds me of life. To me, the heavy snow represents the burdens and sins that can impact how we live our lives. Some people break under the pressure, and let themselves go, like the branches that currently litter the ground. But I don't want to be those branches... I want to persevere through the bad times and stand firm under the weight of my emotional snow. I will stay attached to my tree, which is my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Well it is the end of a very busy but very productive week. I had 2 tests that hopefully went well this week, and my stomach is beginning to feel a little better... but not completely there yet. My trip to Costa Rica is inching closer and closer, and I am beginning to get excited and realize that I am actually leaving the country for the first time! I think this will be a very freeing experience... Yeah the trip itself will be a lot of fun, but it will be good for me to get a glimpse of God's glory as he expresses it through nature. I really look forward to sitting in the silence of His creation and praising him for everything He has given me. In my day to day life I take things for granted (as I'm sure most people do), and I am making a somewhat futile attempt to slow down, breathe, and look at everything God has blessed me with in my life. At HIS retreat tonight, the beautiful Katie Van Ess talked about joy. We are so caught up in US... it is hard for us to find the joy in everything that happens. Yes, I may be thinking about the crappy day I had at work, but I need to stop and think about what in that crappy day of work brings me joy. Joy does not have to be happiness... we do not need to over-express it with a gigantic smile on our face. Joy is just that feeling you have when you recognize that God's will is being lived out in your life. With Joy comes Freedom... Knowing that every situation happens in the hands of God is a freeing feeling! So as I experience physical freedom while in the forests of Costa Rica, hopefully my spiritual freedom will be enhanced by orders of magnitude from where it is now. My eventual goal is to have joy all the time, without even thinking about it. I presently have to stop myself and ask, "What good came out of this? What brings me Joy about this situation?" But ideally, children of God should strive to have this attitude ingrained in their hearts such that every action they perform is carried out to the fullest for the glory of God. And the past minutes I spent writing this... may they be for his glory, honor, and praise.

Long days...

Well it's the end of a verrrrry long Monday... Here's how today went:
4:30 AM: Alarm goes off
5:30 AM: Arrive at the hospital to observe a brain surgery (which I was so excited about that I could hardly sleep!)
5:32 AM: Get told that I cannot observe because I'm not allowed in the OR (So lame! Had I known, I wouldn't have come at all!)
6:00 AM: Arrive back home from a pointless trip and go back to bed.
11:00 AM: Wake up, and get ready for the rest of my day.
And the rest of the day goes like normal: class, lab, homework, dinner, homework, and now here we are at bedtime. I almost feel too tired to go to sleep... I need to do something!! This has been driving me crazy the past couple of weeks... My first round of tests happens late next week, so it's too early to begin preparing now, but I also feel so useless! Lots of time spent on facebook and watching "Best and worst dressed" shows from the Grammys last night :)

There is also lots of drama going on... In a nutshell, boys are STUPID. If you know the story, you know what I'm talking about. If you don't, just take my word for it. One thing I have learned this semester so far is that you should not put all your eggs in one basket. I am 20 years old, and even though I feel ancient, I know that God has his time and place for me to meet Mr. Right and that the only thing I can do right now is pray for him. I have spent so much of my life so far tryyyying to make things work with certain people and just thinking that if I worked hard enough, we might end up together. Now I know that while hard work is still necessary for a healthy relationship, God's voice is ALWAYS what I need to listen to. Man by nature is stubborn, and we all have trouble listening to God's commands all the time. But this is something that I am trying to work on. I hope that my Christian family tells me when I have fallen, and I hope they can help pick me up.

This was another wonderful venting session, and for now, Goodnight Moon.

First blog...

Well, I have never had a blog before... but my New Year's resolution was to try new things. So, here we are! I am not expecting anyone to read this, but I'm hoping this will serve as an effective way to vent from now on. It is Friday night, and I am sitting on my couch with freshly-painted nails and a mud mask on my face. College at its finest. After recently becoming single again, my list of activities has become significantly smaller. Now instead of school, boyfriend, work, boyfriend and spending MORE time with the boyfriend, it now consists of school, work, and trying to reconnect with friends I lost while spending way too much time with him. I guess step 1 is accomplished... recognizing that I need to get out more! So, some of us are going to Gloria's tomorrow for some salsaaa :) ...And the road to recovery begins. I hope I'll get better at this blogging thing and keep up with it as much as my schedule allows... but for now, Goodnight Moon :)